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    • Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce

    "How do I ask my spouse for a divorce?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    Any divorce is a very delicate subject. Either both of you knew that this was a long time coming, or one spouse had absolutely no idea. In telling your spouse that you are contemplating a divorce -- or perhaps that you are seeing an attorney -- you must be very delicate in your approach. I suggest that you sit down with your spouse and talk about this matter beforehand. There is nothing more shocking than opening a door -- or opening a present -- and finding divorce papers. Quite frankly, it's a little tacky. However, if you have children, you and your spouse will be at several events in the future, whether it's graduations, weddings, or other happy events. You do not want to poison your relationship with your spouse, knowing that they will have a lifetime of seeing you and remembering this event. You should always take caution when discussing a divorce with your spouse.

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    "Do I need a lawyer to get a divorce?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    Of course you need a lawyer to get a divorce! A lot of people think they know how to get a divorce because they read a book. This is extremely dangerous. You really should think of it like reading a medical encyclopedia to take out your own appendix. You could -- but I wouldn't suggest it. You need someone who can give you the adequate legal advice that is pertinent to your specific case. Every case is different, and a book cannot answer every question or resolve every issue. I highly suggest that you retain an attorney who will be suitable to you and help you reach your underlining goals.

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    "Why should I use an attorney before mediation?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    Mediation is a wonderful tool to reach a workable solution between you and your spouse. However, power struggles may arise during the course of the mediation. I suggest that everyone consult an attorney prior to attending mediation, so that they know their respective rights. Also have an attorney attend mediation, as I frequently do with my clients. This helps reassure a client and reach a solution that is equitable, fair, and reasonable.

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    "I built my business with no support from my spouse. Is he or she still entitled to a share of it?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    I represent a number of business owners, and this is a very common question. It's also one that is not so simple. You must look at several factors under the equitable-distribution statutes, such as:

    • Was there a financial contribution from the other spouse towards the business?
    • Did martial assets go towards the business?
    • Was there a non-financial contribution by the non-owning spouse during the marriage?

    These are very complex questions, which are very personal to your case.

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    "I am currently in a domestic partnership. Should I enter into a civil union?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    If you are in a same-sex relationship and currently in a domestic partnership, you absolutely must enter into a civil union. The New Jersey Legislature has made a distinction between the rights of a domestic partner and the rights of a partner in a civil union. For example, real-estate laws are different, inheritance laws are different, your right to adopt is different... Children born during a civil union are presumed to be a child of both parents. There are significant and important differences, which is why New Jersey Legislature has attempted to convey upon partners in civil unions the rights of marriage. I highly suggest that you enter and convert your domestic partnership into a civil union. It does not automatically convert, and you must take affirmative steps to change this.

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    "What can you suggest to your clients to help them through the divorce process?" icon_video.gif (1160 bytes)

    I frequently suggest to my clients that they have a support network around them. Divorce is extremely traumatic. You need someone else to turn to. While an attorney is a professional from whom you need to seek help, they can only give legal advice. I frequently suggest to my clients that they speak with a counselor or social worker, as well as an accountant, so that they will understand all their financial needs, helping them reach their financial goals at the end of the divorce. Getting divorced is really a team effort, and our clients are the center -- or the captain -- of our team.

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    "I feel I should be reimbursed if I helped pay for my spouse's education."

    You are not alone. I commonly have clients who complain about this very fact, whether it is the doctor who is now having a relationship with the nurse, or the lawyer who is now having a relationship with his secretary. You have not only supported him or her during their professional schooling, you have also paid for tuition -- or perhaps your joint assets went towards paying tuition. You are entitled to reimbursement alimony, which is a simple way of paying for a degree or for their piece of paper. You may, in fact, be entitled to part of their future earnings based up on the investment you made while they were in school. However, every case is different, and you must discuss your facts with your attorney.

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    "I want to take a kinder, gentler way of resolving our divorce. My spouse seems bent on her day in court. What can I do?"

    Unfortunately, emotions run high during a divorce. It is an extremely emotional time for both spouses. Divorce places stress on both of you. She may feel extremely vulnerable and may in fact believe that having her day in court will give her back the control she needs. She may also feel that "having her day in court" will vindicate her. In either situation, nothing could be further from the truth. While court may be necessary in the future, the ability to develop a settlement which both of you fashion and negotiate is the best way to resolve your issues. At the end of the day, you and your spouse need to develop a workable solution to your custody, parenting time, and finances.  Her "day at court" provides only one solution: a judge, who does not know either one of you, will determine both of your fates. Discovery should and can occur without the filing of a Complaint -- and, if possible, crafting a settlement proposal to your wife, which she can review with her attorney, will place both of you at an advantage. At the end of the day, both you and your spouse -- not the judge or the attorneys -- must live with the result.